Thursday, February 7, 2008

Benedict's Exorcism Squads Strike Again

One by one, Benedict smites down his holy rivals.

The Hague, Netherlands--Pope Benedict XVI's lethal Exorcism Squads have struck again, this time felling Hindu mystic and former guru to the Beatles Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.

Left: If this guy looked this rough all the way back in 1967 and still lived for 40 more years, who's to say he wasn't going to outlast Benedict's reign of theological terror?

The Exorcism Squad responsible kept to its somewhat predictable MO: the Maharishi's death has been attributed to "natural causes, his age." The Maharishi was a hale and hearty 91 years of age (approximately; he had one of those El Duque-type ages) until he was cut down in the prime of his transcendental life by Benedict's sacerdotal slayers?

The Maharishi's death ties this case in with a host of other unsolved deaths. Look at the picture below:


Consider: The Maharishi, a spiritual guru.
Consider: George Harrison: once wrote a song the chorus of which was "Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna"
Consider: John Lennon proclaimed the Beatles to be "bigger than Jesus."

What's next? Will Paul McCartney be eliminated for proclaiming his allegiance to vegetarianism? Will Ringo Starr be punished for touring with his All-Starr Band? Will Sir George Martin be found dead of "natural causes" because of his haughty knightship? Are we going to find out that Benedict thought that Biggie was getting too B.I.G. for his britches? That Tupac's name was too pagan to tolerate? That Elvis was taken out because he dared call himself The King when the only King is Jesus? How long has Benedict been pulling the strings, and what will it take for the media to take notice of his canonical killing spree?

I worry that even such strongholds as the Hacienda, which is like the Puerto Rican Rivendell, can not long resist the dark might of Benedict's evil. Pray for me, fellow sinners.

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