Thursday, February 28, 2008

Benedict Kills Again

Pope Benedict: How long before he has the entire Jedi order killed by his clone army and yells "Power!!! Unlimited POWER!!!"?

His Unholy Majesty and his Exorcism Squad lackeys have struck again, this time quietly bringing to an end the life of one of the high priests of the secular American religion of Conservatism, William F. Buckley, the author of (among numerous other works) God and Man at Yale, and the founder of the National Review, a conservative periodical.

Left: William F. Buckley. Obviously he would've preferred "Right: William F. Buckley", but now he's dead so tough titty.

How did Buckley die? Did he die of despair at the prospect of a President named Barack? Was the spending profligacy of the Bush Administration too heavy a blow to his conservatism? Did Chris and Snoop lure him into a vacant? No, none of the above. The modus operandi of Benedict's ecclesiastical enforcers was once again in evidence: the victim, in his early 80's, was found dead at his home, of "natural causes."

When will our leaders stand up and take notice of the sacramental scourge that is Benedict? In the past year he has had his dastardly Exorcism Squads send Jerry Falwell, Buckley, the top Senegalese Muslim guy, the Greek archbishop guy, the King of the Mormons, and the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi to that big Unitarian Sunday Brunch in the sky.

Meanwhile, Satan, the putative target of the Exorcism Squads, still roams free, as evidenced by this footage captured by Hollywood:

As of today, we are spending billions of dollars a month fighting the supposed threat of Islamofascism. But what about the very real threat of Pope Benedict's Papambenedictumofascism? How will those who aim to lead our nation propose to deal with this most existential of threats? All the health care mandates in the world aren't going to fix this one, Hillary! What good was being right on Iraq going to do if you're wrong on Benedict, Obama? How exactly is making the Bush tax cuts permanent going to address the evil that emanates from the Vatican like the stench of campaign finance improprieties, John McCain? Is Mike Huckabee, a purported expert in miracles, our only hope of escaping the thousand-year rule of Beelzedict XVI? The candidates need to stop running from this important issue. The American people demand a change to our policy of papal appeasement!

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