Tuesday, February 5, 2008

The BBC Can't Get Enough Boricua Ass

In the UK, they know that the best booty comes from the tropics.

Everybody loves a beautiful butt, and the BBC, the state-run British media service, is no exception. And, in the best British tradition of understated good taste and what the French would call joie de derriere, the BBC has chosen to showcase the prodigious talents of the ass of my own dear brother.

A little background: a few years back, one of my younger brothers, fed up with the ceaseless pretensions and affectations of college life at a certain well-known northeastern institution of higher education, decided to do a semester abroad in Scotland, where the men wore skirts and would cleave you in half with a broadsword if you mentioned it. After college, having grown fond of fog and the near-total absence of sunlight and skin pigmentation, he decided to move back, and he is currently studying medieval archeology at one of that semi-autonomous nation's fine institutions of higher learning, where he and his colleagues piece together information about Vikings and early British Christianity by sifting through ancient garbage piles and toilets, and, because of a vibrant pub culture, severe vitamin D deficiencies, and thermal underwear, have a grand old time doing it.

My brother loves Scotland, and Scotland loves him. Or at least his narrow, Boricua ass, as evidenced by the fact that they feature it in their premier news service as often as they can without tipping their bootophilic hand.

Above: Dry British humor, picturing an ass as a way to showcase the beauty of Colonsay.

The picture above was featured on the BBC website early last year, and apparently the British people just did not get their fill of my brother's pert Puerto Rican posterior, because just today, they found some weak pretext to run another picture prominently featuring the convexities of my kin's culo:

Why weak pretext, you ask? Obviously this is an ass worth showcasing. But here is the explanation in my brother's own words:

The funny part is that the article is about an early medieval palace,
or as they put it, "wooden castle", while the picture is of me and
another PhD student digging at a Neolithic site last summer. To be
fair, there is supposedly a lost medieval palace nearby, but we sure
have no clue where it is and thus aren't digging it up. So it was
extra hilarious when the Daily Record published a version of this
article with the headline PALACE FOUND!

Clearly the following, or some variant thereof, is what is happening at the BBC's highest-level editorial meetings:

BBC Executive Director Lord Alfred of Highmoreshire, Third Earl of Broughamcastershire: I say, it has been months since we ran a picture of that Latin boy's bottom. The Queen herself called to complain! Where are we on this?

BBC Assistant Editor "Cockney" Billy Stottle: Don't you worry your pretty little 'ead there, Lord 'ihmoreshire, sir, they've bloody dug up the 'ome of the first King 'o Scotland! 'istoric, it is!

Lord Alfred: I say, there, Stottle, do we have art on this?

Cockney Billy
: By the bells of St. Mary's, we 'aven't any, sir. But we do 'ave some older pics of 'is arse from a dig last summer, innit?

Lord Alfred: Bloody good show, Stottle, bloody good show! Run it post haste!

I want to extend a congratulations to my younger brother's ass, now a full-blown British celebrity. May the sun of your ass never set on the British Empire!


Dona Paquita said...

Awesome!!! go adrian and your acrobatic skills!

Adrian said...

I said it then, but I'll say it again: finally, my arse is getting the recognition it deserves.

Katie said...

That made me laugh out loud.