Tuesday, January 22, 2008

America's Next Top What?

Editor's Note: Tonight, a very special comment from our very first guest columnist, Don Paco's special lady friend, Doña Paquita!

I, unlike Don Paco, am not much of a writer. (I didn't even add that, I swear! -DP) I’m just too damn lazy to elaborate on paper; I think and I say and that’s as good as it gets. Besides laziness of varying forms and a knack for falling prey to conniving, international travel agents, Don Paco and I share a few other things in common, one of which is the belief that the stake of the world depends greatly on the outcome of the upcoming U.S. presidential elections. In fact, if you are an avid fan of Don Paco’s blog, then you likely do too (you may also inexplicably—and to the shock and dismay of the mother who bore you—find yourself recognizing baseball players by name…Que Barbaridad!). So, tonight I watched the democratic debate with great anticipation, given that we are finally down to the top three candidates.

Ok, I lied.

I was actually in a vegged-out state, well over halfway through an America’s Next Top Model marathon and kind of annoyed when I found out that these democratic candidates would have the nerve to insist on having their debate compete against the reruns of this incredibly addictive show. Not to mention, when Top Model had its commercial breaks, I already had tremendous options to continue to prolong the future onset of Alzheimer’s through the following intellectual stimulation exercise: just 2 channels up on VH1 I flipped to the story of the Jackson Five, just 10 channels down on Bravo I could catch Project Runway reruns and TLC was showing their new gem of a show, Miss America: Reality Check (this was on channel 98, so it was a little harder to go back and forth). However, because I am equally intrigued to find out about who will run in this next Presidential Race as I am to learn who already became America’s Next Top Model this past season, I decided to limit my commercial-break-channel-surfing to these two broadcasts—a wise decision, to tell you the truth. I thought that I couldn’t have picked two programs that were any more different than these.

Boy, was I wrong!

At one point in Top Model, the contestants known as “Bre” (pronounced “bree”) and “Nicole” were in the middle of some major drama, whereby Bre found Nicole annoying and when she found her granola bars missing she assumed Nicole was guilty, so without a second thought she marched into her room and threw out Nicole’s prized Red Bull drinks—Yikes! Now, that’s quality drama, folks! Well, right after the following commercial break, I jump over to CNN and find myself experiencing some serious deja vu. Hillary was in the middle of accusing Obama of working for a slumlord, among other possible fabrications, and Obama was hissing and scratching right back in a similar fashion. Meow-za is right!

I found that the more I switched between these two programs, the more alike they seemed. I don’t know if any others made this same observation (it’s OK if it means confessing to watching a crappy reality show; it’s addictive, believe me, people will understand). I think I became especially disturbed when John Edwards reminded me of Kim, the poor model stuck in the middle, trying to have a say and be a mediator. Luckily for the nation, John Edwards seems to care just a little bit more about ending poverty than about his future in the high-end fashion industry (unless we’re talking about couture hair designs, in which case he and his $400 hair cut may think twice). Regardless of John Edwards’ possible secret passion for the world of style, I think he shone more than ever tonight. I first want to clarify that I am a fan of all three candidates and am very easily charmed by Obama’s charisma and idealistic appeal. The problem is that Hillary and Obama are two celebrities, and therefore may succumb more easily to cheap paparazzi stunts. Edwards seemed to be more grounded and focused tonight on turning the attention on poverty and healthcare. I’m not making any decisions just yet, but I am tired of so much drama everywhere I turn. Tonight Edwards got my attention by talking about the real issues that I and most of us care about. Let’s hope the catfights are left to the models for now; it’s only a matter of time before the pre-election debates between the democratic and republican candidates come up, then I’ll be ready for some claws!


Anonymous said...

mrs? what?

Gretchen said...

I saw that slum-lord moment. I went from my work to get a snack and turned the kitchen tv on right then when this happened. I thought it was awesome. Obama had just accused her of being in bed with Walmart. Then Edwards got his moment. It was awesome.